I know, I know, I complain too much. But I'm really trying to keep a smile on my face, and to be okay right now, it's not as easy as it sounds, so I need a little venting time.
I don't know if anybody who reads this has seen the movie, "The Holiday", kind of a stupid movie, the only good parts in that movie are the parts that focus on the character Iris, who is played my Kate Winslet, anyway rambling, I'll get to the point. Iris is talking to this older gentleman, who used to be a Movie director, about how she was hurt by this one man. The gentleman tells her that in the movies there's the leading lady and then the friend, and that Iris has been playing the part of the friend, when she is really the leading lady. Then Iris says, "You're right, you should be the leading lady in your own life." or something along those lines. Anyway if I were in a movie I'd be "the friend," and that's exactly what I've been my whole life; the friend, sidekick, a background person, just space filler. I have always been that, and I am still that. I just wish for once that a guy would really sincerely be interested in me, not a guy who is kind of stalkerish, and not a guy who'll not worry about my mental health just for having a hard time with compliments, and who'll treat me like a little kid just because I'm shy.
I honestly am jealous of a friend of mine, I shouldn't be, but I am. She has all of these guys who like her, and ask her out, and flirt with her. I feel disgusting next to her. Perhaps I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. She is a really good friend, and I love her, but it's getting harder and harder to be around her, because I see all that I am not, and all that I will never have, or rather who I will never have, because the guys see her and not me. It's frustrating. Right now I'm hurting a lot, because of something I found out, and I'm trying to get over it, and just move on, but it's really hard to. I really am thinking I might need to leave my singles branch. Maybe I'm just being a big baby, and really selfish. :(
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